[Nettime-bold] Disclothing

[Bruce Sterling <bruces@well.com>]

From: futurefeedforward@futurefeedforward.com
Subject: New Line of Clothes to Help Publicly-Held Individuals
To: <bruces@well.com>



May 28, 2063

New Line of Clothes to Help Publicly-Held Individuals

WASHINGTON DC--In the wake of recent court decisions upholding rulemaking
concerning disclosure requirements for publicly-held individuals, SEC Inc.
has begun to market and license apparel designed to satisfy the complex and
sometimes arcane regulations.  The clothing, marketed as "disclothing,"
bears dynamically-updated mandatory personal disclosure statements, and, for
post-IPO individuals, a current trading price and volume ticker.  "We
realize that most individuals who have decided to go public lack the legal
and financial resources to thoroughly understand the disclosure requirements
to which they are subject," explains SEC spokesperson Eva Jump.  "So we're
trying to bring to market some user-friendly products that'll make it easier
for people to take advantage of the capital markets."

	The garments are made from Light-Emitting Polyester--commonly known
as Leppy--and currently include traditional khakis and blue, button-down
oxfords.  "We are only currently offering two styles of disclothing," points
out Jump.  "But we do have agreements with a number of popular
manufacturers, including AOL-Gap and J. Crew.  They'll be bringing out some
very stylish outfits later this year."

	Each piece of disclothing satisfies disclosure regulations by boldly
displaying any recent 8-k filings detailing, in particular, events that may
have materially adverse effects upon the individual.  "At first I was a
little uncomfortable wearing a shirt that said 'RECENTLY DIVORCED' and
'DRINKS DURING LUNCH,'" explains Jamie Dougle, a publicly-held insurance
executive and mother of three.  "But, once I realized how much easier
compliance would be if I wore these clothes, there really wasn't any
decision to make."

	SEC rules now provide a safe-harbor from civil liability for
incomplete or improper disclosure for publicly-held individuals wearing
disclothing 90% or more of the time they spend in public.  The garments
measure the amount of time they are worn through random genetic signature
tests of the wearer's skin, measure the time during which they are the
outermost garment by means of light-sensitive sensor-threads, and plot all
information an a GMT synchronized calendar.  GPS triangulation helps the
garments to determine when they are in public and when in private, and
bluetooth local RF protocols permit all of the garments in an individual's
wardrobe to exchange and synchronize data.

	Though lauded for its convenience by the majority of publicly-held
individuals nationwide, disclothing is not without its critics.  "I opposed
the spin-off of the SEC precisely because I knew it would introduce
'innovations' like these," exclaims Senator R. Rodney (G-New Mexico).
"We've seen little public debate over the accelerated adoption of rules
enabling individuals to sell themselves on the market, and now we see the
Commission acting more like a private-sector hawker of consumer goods than
like an independent regulatory corporation."

	"I know that some people are worried about the 'privacy'
implications of the clothes," admits Dougle.  "But a lot of the same people
told me I was becoming a 'slave' by offering myself on the market.  Nothing
could be further from the truth.  I'm now publicly owned.  Isn't that what
being a real part of the community is all about?"

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