<nettime> i hav it

[Alan Sondheim <sondheim@panix.com>]

give me a second


a line beginning "he weren't" or "it weren't"

effusive cloud, unknown relationship, negative connotations signed (up)
into something obvious

explanations and re-explanations of sexual obsessiveness

diatribe against the corporate infiltration of network interstices - phone
messages, icq, download screens, always asking for registration and "email
updating"

fury and assassinations of evil governments


:: these are dream-clouds, half-thoughts - i think these through falling
asleep, desperately trying to memorize phrases, trajectories; by the time
morning comes along, it's all over, i've forgotten everything, i end up
hating myself, the ideas are lost forever; i've tensed, i want to throw
out everything, give up; i become hateful; i'm not the person i'm capable
of being; the world seems as much nonsense as the phrases i've lost; whole
books, volumes, theories lost at night; in day-dreaming; napping; all i
end up giving back is the residue; what remains after everything else is
lost; ruins of full speech; ruins of fuller speech


texts which are always mournings for the remainder, remnant; identifica-
tion with abandonment, depression, the inchoate


retreating into sexuality; trancetext; theoretic; ghost and emanant


it was at the tip of my tongue; it's almost completely; just a second,
just a second; wait, i've almost got it; it'll come to me

it never returns; it's lost in neural columns; it's always already incom-
plete

one is never present; full speech is never emanant


hold on; just a second; wait, no that's not it; it's really bothering me;
it's at the tip of my tongue; just a minute


-


i have it
        it's never really gone away
        it just came back to me
      it changes everything
      hold it
         here it is
         i knew if i waited long enough
           i could just picture it
           i had most of it right away
           i could just see it

             gorge bash lies eaten and rolled over by snomobile treads
             from thick moose-drivn belts cutting nto his eyes; george
             bish sez kill them slant-eye big-nosed greasy-haired oh

             he wnt to a country caled afrika then a new unknown country
             wher all children screamed fuk you we did not want to be born
             and starv, they slit his eyes with thin nives, they cut his
             tong out, they made him watch

             women just like they been tolled boiled him simmered it was
             amazing how long he screamed they removed him
             snt him to land of big wounded animls dying

             they shoved tusks into him then he went to land of big misils
             shoved up his anal hole an terring into him; oil cums from
             his mouth; he screems kill the drty colord people all over
             the countries of the world

             he is a terible kilr; no amont of punishmnt is too god for
             him; he loves krist with all his alcoholc vilent hart; he
             rips peple apart for krist

             he hates poor white peeple; they are like him; they are bad
             failurs; he givs them to oriental country and ordrs poor jews
             to kil them and they turn his eyes into pulp and shit on his
             face; he screems into

             arabs push thik needles into garge bosh eyes and throte so he
             can't do vilent kiling and damag; blacks tair open skin;
             whites pull out organs and slash them; reds cut open heart;
             blues stuff asshole without love and sharp boulders; yellows
             put glass into his eyhes; greays load the rifl; pinks pul the
             triger; browns slam barrel into repeated hed

             i wil kill you al seys gurge bish, yu do not desrv a man as
             wondrful as me, oh sory, as i, in this amerikan umpire

         it changes everything
         i can just picture it
         it makes the real go away
           i knew i'd get it right sooner or later
           i knew it'd come together
i have it
here it is


_

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