<nettime> Eisner Pummeled by Disney's Frozen Head

[Bruce Sterling <bruces@well.com>]

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From: "futurefeedforward" <fff@futurefeedforward.com>
Date: Sun, 09 Dec 2001 16:57:33 -0800
To: <bruces@well.com>
Subject: Eisner Pummeled by Disney's Frozen Head



December 18, 2027

Eisner Pummeled by Disney's Frozen Head

LOS ANGELES--Documents released Monday by the Walt Disney Company in the
course of its defense against a wrongful death suit brought by the estate
of its late Chairman and CEO reveal gruesome details of the executive's
"accidental" death and confirm longtime rumors that the company has, for
decades, maintained the frozen head of its founder in hopes that
developments in medical science will enable his eventual resurrection.
"This was a real double whammy," exclaims court journalist and veteran
Disney-watcher Juan Yell.  "I mean, to have all the 'frozen head' stuff
turn out to be true after all these years, and then to have it so closely
linked to Eisner's mysterious death, all I can say is 'wow!'"

    According to a memos produced by the company in response to legal
requests by Eisner's estate, the company had sought to conceal details of
the accident both "to maintain sensitivity to [Eisner's] family" and to
"protect valuable trade secrecy RE proprietary attraction applications of
certain quantum engineering developments and RE Project Bread."  
Transcripts of internal Disney debriefings further reveal that 'Project
Bread' was code for the company's efforts to maintain, repair and
eventually revive the cryogenically-preserved head of Walter E. Disney,
while the head itself was known to insiders simply as 'the Bread.'

    AV files released by the company, including footage of the accident
itself captured by laboratory security cameras, document a day-long visit
by Eisner to the company's top secret research facility.  "There's some
powerful footage in there," notes a source close to the defense team.  
"From what I've seen, Eisner was alone in this room where they keep the
head, locked in there really because the security is so tight.  He seemed
to be looking at the head inside this case when BAM, the head comes
shooting out like a rocket and hits him square in the face, knocking him
over.  Then the head just went ricocheting around the room like some crazy
kind of bullet or something.  He kept trying to get up and make it to the
door, but the head just kept bouncing of the walls and hitting him, again
and again and again. It was really brutal."

    Central among the documents are files reportedly covering internal
investigations of the accident and linking Eisner's death to the company's
experimental development of technologies exploiting the bizarre phenomenon
of quantum entanglement.  "In these files the company has as much as
admitted its culpability," claims Eisner estate attorney Phineas
Bustamente. "The company's Imagineers apparently developed a technology
that permits two objects separated by significant distance to become
'entangled' with each other.  There were a couple of projects based on
this technology.  One was an update of Space Mountain where riders in an
open field would be 'entangled' with a remote coaster and sort of fly
around on an invisible ride.  The other had something to do with thawing
the frozen head by applying heat to a pumpkin with which it was entangled.  
It appears that negligence by company employees lead the head to become
entangled with a prototype roller coaster, transforming it into a deadly
projectile."

    While refusing to comment on particular documents, a spokesman for
Disney called the suit "irresponsibly speculative" and denied that
Eisner's death was anything but an "unfortunate and tragic accident."

    Contacted about the possibility that his former patient's death was
caused by repeated, high-speed blows by a frozen, quantum-entangled head,
Eisner's personal physician deferred conclusory comment, but remarked that
a head, if frozen, could produce injury like that of a "cannonball" and
that Eisner's "multiple, fatal traumas were consistent with such an
instrument."

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